Out of the Boat

Dear Lord Jesus,

You and I are in a boat. The sky is clear and the water calm. The sun warms. In the boat seems like the perfect place to be. Off the side, one can enjoy the wonders of the water without getting in. This is the way it should be. See the beauty, but remain a safe distance from it for things can be both beautiful and deadly.

The wind picks up and the clouds draw near. Rain begins to lash the deck. The boat tilts and rocks as if it will not stand. You call to me and I have a choice: stay in the boat with you or jump out and try to make it alone. Invariably, I always try to go it alone when the storm comes. This is my mistake. My nature longing for certainty which I can only find in you if I stay in the boat, but I've convinced myself it is safer in the water.

I jump out.

I am not made for the sea alone. Sharks circle. The storm continues. Something nibbles on me and finds my meat sweet. I am in too deep and have only begun. I long for the boat and the sunny weather. Buffeted, I call for help in a voice that seems not to reach. My blood is in the water and danger draws ever closer.

You also draw close.

In you is the power of the greatest heroes, for they are only reflections of you. The storm is yours to command. The sharks. The waves. All hear your voice. I flounder. You whisper, 'I am with you.' The sky lightens. The sharks flee.

I never should have gotten out of the boat, but you do not rebuke me. You soothe me. You offer me safety and a dry towel. The sun returns as I sit exhausted from my feeble attempts. I am reminded, again, how I should never, ever get out of the boat, but I know I will. Again and again, my wandering soul will cast its lot with the sea and you will have to rescue me. It is my nature to leap. It is your nature to love and save. Thank you that is true. Thank you I am never too far away. Thank you.

Today I am dealing with my depression and it has been one of those days in which crying happens a lot. Lately, I've been feeling out of the boat. Caught in a raging storm with no end without a hope in sight. Yet I can know my Lord is never far. He loves me and intercedes for me. While I reside in his hands, nothing can happen he does not ordain. In this I can be sure.